Monsters in my Yard!

My house was attacked by a horrible creature today while Tia was out doing Zumba. However, if this monster was out to make a surprise attack…he failed. I heard him coming in his diesel fueled chariot of doom and then he rang the doorbell. I was on full alert and barked viciously at him while he stalked all around the outside of the house. Then I saw him through the back door! He was like no man I had seen before. He was spraying the house with a giant appendage that came out of his arm. It was horrible! Later, Tia explained that he was just pressure washing the house so he could paint it tomorrow. A likely story! I will be on guard for this monster man to show his true colors tomorrow.

In addition to this evil presence there are new critters that have chosen to make MY yard their home. Allow me to preface this by explaining that as the sun goes down in Lawton, MY yard is filled with a cacophony of horrible screeching birds. Dave and Tia actually have to turn up the volume on the TV to drown out their unyielding squawks. It’s actually kind of fun when Tia gets really fed up with them and storms out to the backyard and starts cursing at the trees. Then she asks Dave if he could being home an AK-47 and shoot them all out the trees. Don’t worry, she’s not serious…I don’t think. Anyway the new addition to this animal sanctuary is a fluffy bunny that Tia has been calling Jack. She won’t even let me chase him! UH! Doesn’t she know he’s invading MY space!? He’s touching my grass and hopping around in my flower beds! At least she lets me chase the squirrels because they eat her flowers. Cheeky buggers. So, with this heat being absolutely oppressive, I am stuck inside watching Jack hop across MY yard and this painter man violate my house.

If you’re wondering just what June in Oklahoma feels like, I have just the way for you to experience the joys of this incredible weather. First, you will need to obtain 10 hairdryers, a bag of sandy red dirt, and a large open field full of crunchy dry grass and not a single tree in sight. If you can’t find such a field, your own backyard will do but you must try this in the heat of the day in direct sunlight. Now, plug in all the hairdryers and set them to super high. Point them directly at your face. Once you’re boiling and sweaty, throw the dirt into the air in front of your face. Now that you are grimy, sunburnt, parched, and wind blown…you have experienced an Oklahoma summer. If you want to experience a Field Artillery BOLC student’s Oklahoma summer then follow all the steps above but make sure you’re wearing ACU’s, combat boots, a Kevlar vest, a helmet, and have one of your manliest friends scream “IF YOU DON’T HAVE RANGE, YOU DON’T HAVE S***!”.

What I find really odd is that it isn’t even officially summer yet! So what is going to happen when July rolls around? Will my poo just burst into flames and my pee evaporate before it hits the hydrant? Hopefully Lawton will not become the searing face of the sun and things will cool off a little…I doubt it. Anyway, I wanted to recommend an amazing water bottle that Tia uses when walking me. It locks closed and I can drink out of the lid!  It's called the Intak Hydration Water Bottle and its PBA free and dishwasher safe! It comes in three colors and you can follow the link to the left to pick some up. So remember to keep your soldier and pets well hydrated as this heat blasts across the land.

Toby